i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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