just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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