maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His hands were made for my vagina.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
