I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
