Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
