I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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