I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
