So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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