i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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