I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
