And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
