meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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