I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize