Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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