I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
