So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
