Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
