He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
