dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I understand Curling. That high.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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