if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
