people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I can't put those talents on a resume
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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