Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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