There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
