My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
