Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
