If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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