i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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