can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize