I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i dont even know how to be here
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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