You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
