I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
