Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
