I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
