Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she woke up with a sticky ear
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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