Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
