the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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