Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
