He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
