ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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