Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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