I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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