glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
