i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The uberlube is also flammable
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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