I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My vagina is officially offended.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
tell me about the fingering
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
