then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
