Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
