Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
