Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
