you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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