your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
