Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
