Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
