meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
