I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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