now i know why i became what i already was.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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