I hope mine doesn't look like that
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
