how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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