She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
