Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Randomize
