I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
