At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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