i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
