I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
