He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize