Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
