The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
