For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
